Interview with the alter ego of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala

Rakesh Jhunjhunwala is an Indian Chartered Accountant by qualification but an investor/trader by profession. In 2007, Forbes rated him as India’s 51st and the world’s #1062 richest man with wealth of $1.1 billion.Jhunjhunwala was described earlier this year in a magazine as the “pin-up boy of the current bull run” and by another as “Pied Piper of Indian bourses”. He is tagged by the media as ‘India’s Warren Buffett’. Everyone has an alter ego. We have the Alter Ego of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala interviewed. We set the stage for the man himself to speak a few words on this occasion.

Here is what The Alter Ego of Jhunjhunwala has to say – “Before we get started I have something to say. Take a moment and look around you. Watch in ecstasy as my awesomeness makes BlogAdda shine even brighter. Generations will come and go, humanity will one day come to an end but this interview will forever be a beacon to the universe leading the cosmos into infinity.

Now ask your questions. Oye Band Master Band Baja Oye!”

Disclosure Note: This is Fake Jhunjhunwala.

Q: When and why did you start blogging?

A: Roughly 4 years ago but The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala was started in August 2007. As to why blog, the world needs to know how awesome I am. The Secret Journal promotes my intentions by introducing subtle market manipulations.

The Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala is about gaining world domination one post at a time ;-). I aIso blog because I want to be interviewed by people like you.

Q: What topics do you generally blog about?

A: Business, Stocks, Politics, Films, Cricket. There is a lot of humor in those subjects.

Q: Do you ever get stuck when writing an entry? What do you do then?

A: Never. There’s always a politician or business person that we can poke fun at.

Q: How important is it for the blogger to interact with their readers? Do you respond to all the comments that you receive?

A: Extremely. You must open a dialogue between your readers and the blogger. Engage and learn from them.

Q: ‘ This site is not written by the real Rakesh Jhunjhunwala silly’ announces a footnote on your blog. Why did you zero in upon Rakesh and not your other favorites, The Ambanis :)?

A: He plays the part. He is egotistical and smart. He’s also extremely witty as well. He exemplifies both Ego and Humility. I mean he looks the part doesn’t he?

He’s a bonafide megastar. Walk into the heart of India’s money market. Step onto Dalal Street. Walk into the Bombay Stock Exchange or the National Stock Exchange and you have set foot onto a playground where Thousands of Crores of Rupees are turned over in one single trading session alone…

Over here Rakesh Jhunjhunwala is much bigger than the Gas Fighter Mukesh Ambani or a Shah Rukh Khan and an Amitabh Bachchan combined.

He’s built an empire & become The World’s 1062^nd Richest Man but started with just 5000 rupees and done it correctly & honestly, he deserves every bit of credit for that.

The blog is a parodied extension of this thought.

Q: ‘I sell a million shares and someone buys a million shares. I sell at a profit and others buy and hope it keeps on going up. Perhaps they sense I am the kingfish’. You are the don of the bull market. What advice would you like to give our readers on investment? Are stock markets the only place you invest?

A: Buy low and sell high. I also invest in real estate.  Know your stocks inside and out. Understand the valuations and future prospects of the company. If you like their management and their products or services then invest a small amount. Answer what happens?

I invest in my blog.  I invest in my readers. I’m investing in answering this question all in the hope that it pays dividends in the future 😉

Q: Mr. Patil and Bhujbal are back after a year! Did this happen with your blessings? What advise would you like to give them so that their tenure can be successful?

A: Chhagan Bhujbal aka Punjabi pop star Chhuggy B as I have said before is a master practitioner of inaction. There was no need of my blessing as he lives life according to the motto of ‘Do Nothing And Nothing Will Go Wrong’. So I too have done nothing to facilitate Chhuggy B’s career.

As far as RR Patil, the hon-her-able Home Minister of Maharashtra goes. How could he have not returned?

I’ve already said that RR Patil is India’s most potent weapon in fighting terrorism. The guy is a walking, talking mountain of destruction. If you’re a terrorist and he sees you then he’s gonna bash you, smash you and thrash you.

Patil 3:16 is India’s self developed weapon of mass destruction. Kicking ass and raising hell wherever he goes leaving dead bodies behind, trails of destruction, chaos, smoke and lots of decapitated buildings. The sun only rises in India after RR Patil opens his eyes.

With such powerful beings that scare the daylights out of criminals worldwide and are such heavy duty CONFIDENCE INSPIRERS, their tenure is bound to be successful.

But we as a public can make their tenure even more successful by lighting candles and feeling sad on 26/11.

Q: Madhu Koda managed to siphon off so much money. Was Jhunjhunwala aware of this? Where do you think did he go wrong and what would be the outcome? Will this be another scam like Telgi and forgotten by people?

A: Jhunjhunwala was of course well aware of this and presented the Secret telecast of the NDTV Madhu Koda interview on the Secret Journal where Mr.Koda documents his rise to fame, money and superstardom.

Madhu Koda is an extremely smart man with a talent to know what money to eat from what government package simultaneously identifying which bank is best suited to store the cash while maintaining a low profile and also fostering the careers of women with noses which resemble the tip of a bar stool’s leg like Koena Mitra.

He’s a man with a very fascinating approach to swindling money because Hawala is a very technical thing. You need to do a course in it and be a certified Hawala operator. Even then moving money without moving it is very very difficult. It’s a case of complex analytical accounts management and financial figures misrepresentation.

Which is why we must appreciate Koda because he is one of India’s best, most talented, energetic, young, dynamic and inspiring money launderers.

But he did make one mistake – He Didn’t Apply For Anticipatory Bail. That’s where he went wrong. If you are about to be arrested by the Income Tax department then you must be ready with an Anticipatory Bail in hand.

Always be ready. When the IT department shows up with the Police, show them the BAIL and you don’t have to go to JAIL.

Then you can continue to eat money, keep renewing the bail order and keep getting a Stay Order from the High Court. That way the case will not even start let alone finish. Madhu Koda should learn how to use the Judicial system to his advantage if he wants to eat money, be a successful politician and a Hawala Money Laundering Icon.

The outcome of his actions have had a positive impact in the field of medicine. He ate money meant for roads, etc but now you can cure any back pain, spine problem, etc by travelling on Jharkhand’s roads.

Because they are underdeveloped and full of potholes .You only have to sit in a vehicle driving on these roads .Because of the difference in impact, a reverse pressure force is created which travels from the potholes up your spine curing you of any backache, head ache,etc.

The Nobel Prize for Medicine this year must have gone to Madhu Koda for that because he’s found a low cost solution to curing Spondylosis.

And as far as the memory of Koda is concerned. I will be shocked!! If we don’t remember the activities of this Icon. We should stop obsessing about Kareena Kapoor’s size zero body and start concentrating on Madhu Koda’s 4000+ Crore bank account. Open a school in his name, institute a scholarship, name a road after him and erect his statues.

Q ‘Bigg Boss MONTYNALYZED’ is one of your popular posts. Who’s your favorite among the Bigg Boss inmates? Who has your blessings and will win the contest?

A: I was hoping Raju Shrivastav would win Bigg Boss but he got voted out. So it doesn’t matter now who wins because the Bigg Boss winner was already crowned even before the show started.

None other than Amitabh Bachchan himself, because if you’re getting paid 2.25 crore rupees for one hour’s work every week/episode and you get it without having to cohabit with 12-13 nutcases in the Bigg Boss house, then you are the Bigg Boss no questions asked. Just like me!

Q: Reliance Power was the biggest downturner in the BSE. Did Jhunjhunwala lose money too? What was the reason for it? Was it some kind of sabotage by a third party using the ‘friendliness’ between the Ambani’s to his side?

A: Heh heh! Reliance Power at one point was powerless and its power plants were producing less power while people using electricity from Reliance Power were calling up their Electricity Board and complaining “No Power, No Power”.

I’ll give you a hint though: If money was lost, then it’s only because it was meant to be lost, Heh! Heh! It’s all a part of the plan.

And when sabotage is involved – who knows? it could be done by ‘foreign hand’, ‘forces across the border’ , ‘political opponents’ , ‘bear cartel’, ‘procedural lapse’, ‘regulatory oversight’, ‘Tsunami’ , ‘Global Economic Crisis’, ‘American stand on terror’ , ‘Cyclone or Earthquake’. Heh! Heh!

We’ll never really know till there is a CBI enquiry, now will we? Heh! Heh! Even then the CBI can be accused of malpractice.

One more time = Heh! Heh!

Q: ‘ The market is my altar, I am its God’. If not the Stock Market, what would Jhunjhunwala be doing? What are your passions that we don’t know about?

A: Probably eating at an American (Warren) Buffett.  I like food. Dosas, Samosas and Pav Bhaji = Epic win.

Then again that’s a hypothetical question and I don’t answer hypothetical questions unless some really hot girl asks me. The possibility of a world where Rakesh Jhunjhunwala does not invest in the markets is like asking for a world where Sachin Tendulkar does not play cricket.

Indeed: The market is my altar, I am its God. Anyone want to form an alliance?

Heh! Heh! This is what you all will be doing we know. 🙂 As we all know now that the Bombay Stock Exchange will work from 9 am. Due to this Jhunjhunwala ji had to cut short the interview and had to rush to invest. But not to worry, he has promised us that he will ARRIVE back again to give us some more gyaan about his life. Do come back to know more about the alter ego of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala 🙂 in part two.

Till that time do visit the phamous blog of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala and his twitter stream for some awesome conversations.

Also we are proud to have Rakeshji at BlogAdda. 🙂